Standing on Solid Ground

Sometimes you step down on things and you cannot keep your balance. You have a few choices, you can move more slowly and try not to fall or you can simply fall and get yourself up again.

The Mirror

I glanced into a mirror today and paused at the reflection I saw. I hardly recognize the eyes behind the shell of what I use to be, a year of days have almost passed.

I still see the glimpses of fright as my scars cringe at the pulsing of my heart. The trigger is never where is should be, as the gun is always hidden. It is a place I dare not visit.

I lie awake a night more times than I should, for rest is a luxury I cannot buy. I hold close a worn picture book at the base of my dreams. I flip through the pages as the moon melts into fire, sleeping but a moment before I am jarred awake again.

I stare beyond the scope of what I see and look toward the footprints behind where I have walked. My path toward the light is dark but I feel the support of those I cannot see near me.

I struggle to find my way through each passing breath as I fight for the strength that weakens me. Each day I feel closer to finishing my race but the line is still stretched further than my seeing.

I know this madness is of my own creation, forged from the piercing hands that took away the world’s eye upon me and put me in these chains that bind me.

Upon deaf ears the passing of time only silences my cries. I have drifted beyond my stream and the bank is too rocky to climb. I know now the end I will never reach.

The Nightmare

Suddenly you awake overwhelmingly drenched with fear and the thunderous beat of your heart echos in ears. You cannot catch your breath and your senses are foggy. It takes you awhile to know you are safe in your bed. You have nothing to fear, it was just another nightmare.

When I was younger, these terrors happened a lot. It got to the point that I was afraid to sleep. I never really knew what I did or what was said that changed that for me. I just remember getting control of my thoughts. I could manipulate my dreams so that I could overcome whatever scared me. If I was falling, I would find a parachute or the power of flight. If someone were attacking me, I could fight back or come across a weapon to defeat. My nightmares stopped and my dreams were peaceful.

Slowly the nightmares have been creeping back, it is like I am losing my power against them, I can't seem to sleep as much and when I close my eyes I feel only the fear. I am sure I know why but I can't seem to put my finger on it. I am searching for the what I lost and hoping to find the control I need before the nightmare has a life of its own.

Sweet dreams~my friends

Time Machine

I built a time machine today and the hardest part was deciding where I wanted to go.

I ended up going back to the beginning to when we first met. This time, I saw you coming before you even noticed me. I watched you closely. You were exactly how I remembered, nothing had changed. I knew how this would end. I needed time to think.

I ended up in a garden somewhere in my future. I laid amongst the beauty that nature had to offer. I watched the clouds change into different apparitions and listened to the whisper of their voices on the wind. As I gazed up at my future, I saw everything that would be. It was a sudden flash of light that alerted me to my understanding and I knew exactly what to do.

I went back to that day, the one I call today, and decided where I wanted to go, before I built my time machine.

Maybe I will build a time machine today...

Taking Care of Business

The rains have brought a new nemesis into my path. The little critters of the night, crawling through a small crack in a patio door. They marched with such certainty as the invade my private possessions. I have waged a war with this enemy and before I can claim the trophy of victory, they all must die!

Upon glimpsing the first scout, my trigger hand has been swift and my weapon of choice, 409. It has been quite effective but I am still looking for guidance and absolute annihilation or at least a new place to party.

I have discovered an arsenal of remedies that include: cinnamon, black or cayenne pepper, oil of peppermint, chalk, coffee grounds, instant grits or rice, cucumbers or vinegar

I hope to be victorious at eradication of this tricky little bugger soon!!!!

One Fatal Mistake

I remember begging my mother to let me have a pet of my very own when I was younger. I promised to care for it and be responsible. She always refused because she said I was too young.

After continuous pleading, I finally convinced her to let me take home my class pet guinea pig for a weekend. I was determined to show her my responsible side.

I made sure he had everything he needed and I even made time to play with him everyday. I forgot the close the door all the way, and the terrier got in the room while I was playing with guinea pig.

This was my one fatal mistake. The terrier attacked the guinea pig and all I can remember doing is trying to separate them. It happened so fast and I tried so hard but I couldn't stop the terrier. My screams alerted my mother and she was there before I could think to call her. I learned what responsibility was that day.

I had to face everyone knowing I wasn't ready for the task I volunteers to undertake. I had blood on my hands and I was so mad at the world. I blamed everyone for my mistake. It took me a long time to forgive.

I think about that day sometimes, about how much pain occurred because I was careless and didn't think. You hold many lives within your hands, be careful who you let in.

Leaping Through Time

I once watched an Anime about a girl who leaped through time. She found this gadget one day that gave her the ability to change things in her life. In the movie (spoiler alert), she got the power from her future self. I have always wondered, how her future self obtain the object if she got it in the past from her future self... Now that is a mind loop~

What would you do with such a gadget? Would you use it to change things in your past? Would you just leave it alone? I guess there are things in our pasts that we are not proud of...but should we change them?

I would be very tempted to save a loved one, prevent a catastrophic event or even divert an innocent from a future of darkness. However, I would be afraid that change would create a whole new world for us. It is like the devil you know is better than the devil that you do not know.

I wonder if you changed a small thing about yourself, would you still be you? We are who we are because of the experiences we have gone through~ both the good and the bad. I believe that no matter how tragic the past has been~ changing it would only make things worse.