Colors of Life

I have been wrapped up in work a lot lately and I have not had a lot of time to simply stop and enjoy the view.

I am hoping things will slow down a bit so I can enjoy the colors of life. 

I miss the fiery heat of red and the patience of orange.  I long for the brightness of yellow and reassurance of purple.  I know I can always count on green to make me smile and blue, blue calms me down, especially when stress is poking my limit. 

I know we will paint a colorful masterpiece together soon...

The Hands of Time

Lately I have had my days and nights all mixed up!  I guess I can blame it on my friends who have been dragging me around to all hours of the night and I have to spend my afternoons catching up on sleep. 

Then at night, I am wide-eyed and bushy-tailed.  I have a lot of projects to keep me busy so I have not been online much not that I have had that much "free time" with my crazy friends.

Right now it does not really matter if I am mixed-up or not because I really don't have anywhere to be since I am on vacation.  I am just going to go with it...

Live Strong and Hard

I have noticed that I haven't been as available to others as I have been in the past.  I guess I am a little apprehensive about putting myself out there again.  I am keeping my distance from strangers and eying everyone with a new lens of scrutiny.

 I try to be nice and not push too hard.  I am just going through the motions sometimes and I am forgetting to feel and it is making me numb.  I am not devoid of emotions, just not here online.

I find my pulse quickening when the sun hits my face.  The voices around me fill my void and I live strong and hard in the laughter of life of the real world.  This is were I belong amongst the faces and hands of those breathing in my ears. 

I will eventually fade away, lost in memories of the past and what will those who remain remember about me...

Standing Naked

If you want me to invite you into my world, there are a few things you need to know. 

You should know that my universe is a circle, inviting and continuous and it is tiered, layered to protect all that I hold dear. 

You should know that a large circle of friends surround me, these are the voices of those that have reached out to me or those that have pulled me towards them.  I know each by name and tidbits of his/her reality. I can regurgitate on command.  My friends lift me up when I fall and I am always reaching out so they do not stumble. It is in this game of Clue where I learn who has my back and who has the knife.  It is here I strike for balance, catch and release: dividing my time, strengthening my ties, adjusting the parachute for the big plunge towards the next layer.

You should know that through the rabbit hole, embedded within are were my closest friends hang out, we debate life's twists and turns, challenge every fiber of being, laugh and cry, and it is where the undressing begins as we strip down who we are and if we will take the next step.

You should know that I am very loyal and I do not understand those who are unfaithful.  If you do not like what you see, be up front and honest, this is the time to walk away.

You should know that the next step may be the biggest, it is where we stand naked before each other.  My family saw my nakedness when I was born so I feel confident before them but with others I am shy and fragile.  We have time to explore each other on this shared journey.  Time to make mistakes, learn, and grow beyond what we can imagine.  I see you for all that you are and all that you will be and I am with you unconditionally.

You should know that I kneel in the center of my world because I have not lost the gravity of the situation, I am here because of all of you.  We hold each other together.

You should know that all you need to do is reach out...


  

Man on Top

I have been spending time thinking about my future lately and if I see a place for a husband and children. 

I am in no rush to get married because I have seen too many people rush down the aisle only to divorce as quickly.  I don't think I would be happy just playing house with a guy either.  I guess you can say my views are very old fashion.  I want to find a guy that can take care of me but not because I can't take care of myself.

My friends and I go back and forth on this, "Man is the Head of the Household" idea.  I just feel there should be one person with a little more power in a relationship.  I am not saying that he/she shouldn't listen to the other and make compromises or that the person with more power always gets his/her way. 

I believe a man should take care of his woman and a woman should take care of her man.  Maybe I would feel differently, if the successful role models in my life were not this way.  I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman that cooks, cleans, and takes care of the house while the man takes care of the family, which includes taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn. 

Talk to Me!

I have discovered that I really enjoy talking to all kinds of people and bouncing in and out of chat.  This is really a fun thing for me and it is a way I like to relax right before heading to bed. 

No matter how tired I am, a good day of chat can pull me online well into my allotted snuggle dozing time.  I guess I could read a racy novel or watch something mind blowing on the boob-tube before bed but I like the interactiveness of chatting.  

I have really learned a lot from the people I chat with and sometimes they are things I never thought I needed.  I have learned not to take things online too seriously so you really should not either.  I learned that am not online to make a real in person connection with anyone.  I have enough connection with my offline world but I do try to respond to anyone who makes an effort to stroke a keyboard and join in the conversational jive.  I do not like "private" conversations with people I don't know.  Anything worth pursuing takes time and patience.

I have spent many a day laughing to the point of a wet spot over some witty quip.  I also enjoy some of the links that chat-a-holics post. Here are few that I have resulted in a few unladylike  giggle snorts: Honest Trailer (example) or Collegehumor!  I would love for you to share a few funny videos that have crossed your screen~

The Imposter

I have recently reconnected with someone from my past.  This is not someone I would call a friend. 

I guess more of an acquaintance would suit our connection to each other.  I have to mention that this person is someone I met online and I haven't had the pleasure to know them in the light of day. 

Our conversations are very different now and I have to wonder if this is even the same person from my past.  I hear others crying foul and this only makes me draw from memories so long forgotten that I barely glimpse them myself. 

I guess it doesn't make sense why someone would pretend to be someone not themselves so the logical side begs me to listen to reason where my instincts tell me to mute them.

What joy does one get with such deceit?  I guess time will tell where the truth lies and meanwhile I will step softly and keep my wits about me.