Darkness

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I could really just scream right now because I don't know how to fight this frustration I feel inside...so close to tears that all I can do is just walk away...and you have to know,  I hardly ever cry.

What about today was so hard~ it wasn't even the words that I have heard a thousand times before..Why did you do it~

Stop pointing your finger my way~ I haven't done anything of the things you keep accusing me of...I am not that complex or that calculating.
I know it really doesn't matter what I say~ my words fall upon deaf ears.   I keep hoping~ that the ones that count know the truth~ but I don't know what to think anymore...this constant barrage of insults and theories is beginning to take its toll~ the burden to great to carry~

I keep grappling with the idea of just leaving~ I keep questioning why I am here~ It isn't like my presence in this place even makes a difference...

Can't you see why I am here...there is so much negative in the world~why make this place that way too...

You don't know the paths that people walk, you don't know what they carry along the way~ and at the end of the day~ we escape...I just want to smile and have fun~ to enjoy our time together...to be the light in a sea of darkness...

I haven't always thought that way~ through a serious of unfortunate events I was knocked of my self proclaimed pedestal~ I didn't just lay on the ground, helpless and wallowing...someone helped me up~ and lit my path...I was so grateful for the kindness that surrounded me~ that I embraced all that I could~

I want to smile again~ in the light...I just don't know how to do that right now...