Enlightened

I saw the light in the distance and headed toward it, turning my back on the darkness that surrounded me.

I made it and I can't believe that I spent so much energy worrying about everything and fearing the unknown.

I am better than I thought I could be and stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.  I can laugh at how foolish I was for fearing the unknown.

I am in the safety of my thoughts now and I am not quite myself and I am not sure I will ever be the same person that left this morning a wreck.

I do know that the little things in life make us grow and doing this we mature.  I wish you best and I hope you are growing and getting stronger with me....

Into the darkness

My mood is a little dark today because I am facing a fear of mine.

I don't know what it is about hearing it is just a routine or little minor surgery that puts me on edge.
 
My mind tells me I am ridiculous and there is nothing to worry about but my body doesn't listen to the calming words.

I know I will end up working myself into a frenzy and my anxiety level will be through the roof and the worse part is that I know it is all in my head.

It is time for me to sleep my unnatural slumber and when I awake all this fear will seem just like a distant dream...

Pinch Me!

I am meeting really interesting people in chat lately.  For the most part, they seem to be so mature and down to earth at times that I have to pinch myself.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I am going to jump on the chat drama bandwagon again.  I am just enjoying the pleasant surprise that I am finding there right now.  People always seem to surprise you.

I have always put my faith in the wrong people and always end up getting burned but I stand before you now somewhat fireproof.  I am trying to step through life with my eyes wide open and I plan on enjoying the picturesque scenes around me.  I raise my glass~ bottoms up! See you on the flip-side...

Time

The other day someone brought up the subject of a clock.

Can you hear the mocking tick tock as your seconds are lost?

This really makes you think...where does the time go?  What do you spend your seconds on?

Over the years, as I look back on my multitude of seconds passed, I have to wonder if I used them wisely to better the person I have become.

I guess I realized I was losing a lot of time in chat and wrapped up with chat drama.  Those seconds are gone and I can't get them back.  I don't regret my time in chat.  I only regret staying there so long.

I have tried to limit my time there because I will always enjoy meeting new people online and reminiscing with old friends but I have things to do.

I now focus my time on other things...things that make me a better person...things that don't make me watch my seconds depart with feelings of regret...things that make me happy and make my time worthwhile...

Never Forget

I remember that day thirteen years ago when  I watched the adults around me move through the day in sadden silence.  I knew something big happened.  I watched the news broadcasts over and over again with the arms of my family wrapped around me in protective sympathy.

I remember how numb I felt waking up the next day, trying to get though it one moment at a time.  So many things have changed since 2,977 lives were expunged from our world.

Our sense of security has been shaken and civil rights have been trampled on in the name of vengeance.  We are still fighting a war that seems to have no end.  We are more divided now then we were back then.

There is still something, something I remember so strongly it emerged from in the bowels of that horrific tragedy  and let a glimmer of goodness begin to shine.   It was the coming together as a nation..the goodness in people that encompassed our broken world.

It was the strength that brought us back and made are hearts heal.  I still remember that fretful day but I also remember from great tragedy good is born....never forget

Colorless

I use to close my eyes and dream in brilliant colors. I loved to watch the story lines and follow the characters in whatever unseemly adventure I had in store for them.

But lately, I have noticed that the color has faded from my dreams and I have been missing parts of the adventure.  I only see glimpses of places and faces wrapped in shadows.

Where are they going?  I worry about the loss and I truly miss the stories.  What is happening to me?  Why are they leaving me...?  I only hope to see the color again soon...I sure do miss the brilliance.

Celebration

Today, I realized I am happy.  I am not bogged down in the craziness of the world.

 I am just enjoying being who I am.  I guess that is what growing up is all about.  I have found people in my life who get who I am and are not trying to change me.

I am content with who I have become and I can only hope that I stay on this giddy path.

I use to care so much about what other people thought but I have learned that it is my thoughts about myself that are the most important.

I guess being happy has made me a selfish person but I am tired of being politically correct and miserable.

Welcome to the birth of my understand of myself...celebrate with me my friends...