Friday, March 16, 2018

Beyond the Rainbow

Have you ever thought about what you would do if you could get everything that you wanted?  If they had a book about doing this successfully, would you buy it?

Well, there are a lot of books out there on the topic.  They mostly give you advice about over coming obstacles, lessening fears, and simply, just persevering...

I often wonder if I would be happier if I were able to obtain more of my life goals or would I just keep adding more as I accomplished things.  I think by nature we are greedy and we always want what the other has...few find content in what they already have~ I wonder why this is...

Could it be that we really don't know what we need to truly be happy?  Do we just keep moving the finish line as we approach?

I am not sure that we are suppose to be completely happy with our lives~ I always seem to find myself trying to improve and challenge myself, of course...this could be because I will never be truly satisfied in life...

I do hope you find what you are looking for in life~ and that you can discover what really makes you happy~ I don't know if I will ever get there but there is always hope~ right? 

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

The Reaper

Have you received a call where someone on the other line tells you that someone very important to you may not make it through the night?  What do you do? 

You drop everything and get to the hospital as fast as you can~ that is what you do 

I got a call like that a few weeks ago and I would not wish it upon anyone.  I was told that a simple procedure had "complications"...and they didn't know if my loved one would make it through the night.  The problem~ I am 1300 miles away...

I took the first flight out and so many things were swimming around my head ...leaving work isn't an easy thing because I have to prepare plans for someone to take over and of course I have no idea how long I will be away.  I am lucky that I have colleagues that are willing to support me no matter what.

I had to prepare myself to see someone I love in critical condition and on life support.  I am hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.  I know what will happen has already been determined and I just have to be able to deal with it.  I know the road to recovery will take a lot of time. 

All that matters now, is that I am face whatever comes my way...

Saturday, January 20, 2018

My Response

Today I got a comment for my post "Hesitation" and I decided to respond in this post instead of in the comment section...

Here is what the comment from an Anonymous poster read "ever think it's not all about you.  after all these years, others might be running away from you? curious."~

Well, anonymous...I wonder why you think I think "it's all about me"~ is it because my blog focuses on my thoughts about things...perhaps you are right...the reason that is my perspective is because in your life the only thing you can control is "you"~ so blaming others would just be futile~

In a way~ this IS all about me...I realize that I am not the same person I was when I started this blog and if you read through it you can see my dramatic transformation over the years.  To think others are running away from me~ is almost laughable because in my life...I have been doing the running~ I left my family behind and moved far away to a place I hardly knew anyone~ I stayed with a cousin but even that didn't work out in the end~ and I ended up moving yet again until I was alone~and it wasn't until then~ that I started to change...for the better?  I guess that is just a matter of perspective~

I have learned that physical scars may fade but the emotional ones left never do~ and you can sit around feeling sorry for yourself or you can do something about it~ so my words are all about me~ and how I started to put the pieces of my life back together...and on this adventure I learned to love who I am along the way~ I really believe that you cannot truly love someone else until you learned this very important thing first.

So thinking about it~ YES!~ it is all about me~ and if others decide to run away from me~ there is really nothing I can do about it~ but lately~ they haven't been running away...the ones that truly matter are right by my side~ holding me up...

Curiosity is admirable if it comes from a good place~ but sending hurtful words disguised in a package of curiosity says a lot about about a person~ so I have to wonder ANONYMOUS poster, which describes you..step out of the shadows next have nothing to fear from me~

I hope this answered your question...

Wednesday, January 17, 2018


The cold has settled in, and I am wrapped in a blanket typing this mind really hasn't settled on a topic so this will probably just be me rambling~ so I guess that can be a topic...

Have you ever been a little scared to accomplish something you have been wanting to do for a long time? I have been feeling that way for a while now. 

I have been putting a lot of effort in over coming a major obstacle in my life and I can finally see the finish line just over the next hill~ but instead of running at full force...I have been taking a meandering stroll...trying to enjoy the last bit of freedom before I reach my goal. 

I am starting to second guess my decisions but I keep reminding myself that this is what I wanted to all this hesitation has got me thinking...and everyones knows that can be a dangerous thing...and it all comes down to me really being afraid~ do I take a step forward or do I take a new path~

I know I will figure this out~ I just wish I could see the future just a little bit~ just a I can be more confident in my I guess it is time to put on the kettle and make some spiced tea~ at least I can stay warm~ even if my thoughts are a little cold...

Monday, January 15, 2018

The Fire

From a distance, you can see the flames as the fire dances seductively over all that you have.  It only takes an instance before everything is gone except the smoldering, scorched earth.

I know, sometimes that isn't enough, just to see something from a distance.  You have to hold back everything that stirs inside of you to walk towards the nothingness~but you still have see what is left...

But instead of running, pause~ allow yourself to hear what's really in your heart so that you can make the right decision for yourself...when facing two roads, always pick the more positive can also put on your dreaming cap and imagine your new world~ visualize your potential and then take action..even though you may never be truly ready you still have to take a step forward~

You see, fire may destroy everything in its path, but it is only temporary.  The scorched land will undergo a series of changes.  Some plants will quickly take hold, gradually changing the landscape.  They will thrive there and slowly everything will return...but you should know that what comes backs may not resemble what was lost...

It is up to you to clear the clutter from your life to create a space for the new.  Stepping away for a moment may give you some perspective or even diving into something you have never done before can shake up things~ but you don't have to do anything...every moment is an opportunity to create the life that want~

Sunday, November 5, 2017


It's colder now and it is time to pack away the summer dresses and pull out something a little warmer..

As the days grow shorter, I always get a little melancholy.  It is like my emotions are tied to the brightness of the sun and when it starts to fade so does my smile.  I haven't always been like that but things don't always stay the same...

I have been riding the merry-go-round way too much lately and it is definitely time to jump off...and camping with friend seems like a good solution.

We are going to a state park so I am not really "roughing" it but I am staying in a tent so I am going to say it counts.  The state park is a good choice because we have a lot of activities to pick from like hiking, boating, fishing, canoeing, and kayaking.

I think we will spend most of time huddled around the camping fire sharing stories, song and drinks~

I am sure I will do most of the cooking because of all my friends I have the most camping/cooking experience.  I am hoping that we catch a lot of fish~ yes, I do know how to clean and prepare ~

Saturday, September 23, 2017

The Park

The Chatroom

I sit in front of my keyboard looking at a blank page and wondering what I could possibly type today.

There have been so many things going on lately that I am not even sure where to begin.  When things aren't going my way, I usually seek out this place to write down my thoughts and in a way settle things in my mind.

Writing isn't the only outlet I use.  I also walk...usually there is no destination, I just put on my shoes and head out~ but I always seem to end up at a park.  A secluded place surrounded by trees and in the very center there are a few pieces of playground equipment...swings, a slide, a merry-go-round, and a metal creature on a spring that you can ride~

So alone in the dark, I sit on top of the slide and I look toward that stars.  I feel safe and I can think.  Lately, I have been thinking about my expectations and what I want.  I have been forging my life in a certain way~ because I thought that is what expected~but does it make me happy~ I seem to spend a lot of time thinking about this~ and I don't think this is something that should require this much thought~ aren't you just "happy"~not a thought but a feeling...

I decided to change how I was doing things~ and then, I was dealt a harsh blow~ it took my breath away...and I am still reeling from the repercussions~ just when I decided to change on my own~ everything did..just not in the way I ever wanted...I can never do what I wanted to do~ this makes me feel powerless and out of control~ something I have never been comfortable with...

I am left with a world in chaos and I am trying to find some peace.  When I look up at the stars, I am reminded that I am just a small speck in such a vast place...but somehow knowing this makes me happy~ maybe things aren't as significant as I think...I mean look~ my once blank page is now filled with words...and you were here to read them...thank you my friend~ for your support~