Colors of Life

I have been wrapped up in work a lot lately and I have not had a lot of time to simply stop and enjoy the view.

I am hoping things will slow down a bit so I can enjoy the colors of life. 

I miss the fiery heat of red and the patience of orange.  I long for the brightness of yellow and reassurance of purple.  I know I can always count on green to make me smile and blue, blue calms me down, especially when stress is poking my limit. 

I know we will paint a colorful masterpiece together soon...

The Hands of Time

Lately I have had my days and nights all mixed up!  I guess I can blame it on my friends who have been dragging me around to all hours of the night and I have to spend my afternoons catching up on sleep. 

Then at night, I am wide-eyed and bushy-tailed.  I have a lot of projects to keep me busy so I have not been online much not that I have had that much "free time" with my crazy friends.

Right now it does not really matter if I am mixed-up or not because I really don't have anywhere to be since I am on vacation.  I am just going to go with it...

Live Strong and Hard

I have noticed that I haven't been as available to others as I have been in the past.  I guess I am a little apprehensive about putting myself out there again.  I am keeping my distance from strangers and eying everyone with a new lens of scrutiny.

 I try to be nice and not push too hard.  I am just going through the motions sometimes and I am forgetting to feel and it is making me numb.  I am not devoid of emotions, just not here online.

I find my pulse quickening when the sun hits my face.  The voices around me fill my void and I live strong and hard in the laughter of life of the real world.  This is were I belong amongst the faces and hands of those breathing in my ears. 

I will eventually fade away, lost in memories of the past and what will those who remain remember about me...

Standing Naked

If you want me to invite you into my world, there are a few things you need to know. 

You should know that my universe is a circle, inviting and continuous and it is tiered, layered to protect all that I hold dear. 

You should know that a large circle of friends surround me, these are the voices of those that have reached out to me or those that have pulled me towards them.  I know each by name and tidbits of his/her reality. I can regurgitate on command.  My friends lift me up when I fall and I am always reaching out so they do not stumble. It is in this game of Clue where I learn who has my back and who has the knife.  It is here I strike for balance, catch and release: dividing my time, strengthening my ties, adjusting the parachute for the big plunge towards the next layer.

You should know that through the rabbit hole, embedded within are were my closest friends hang out, we debate life's twists and turns, challenge every fiber of being, laugh and cry, and it is where the undressing begins as we strip down who we are and if we will take the next step.

You should know that I am very loyal and I do not understand those who are unfaithful.  If you do not like what you see, be up front and honest, this is the time to walk away.

You should know that the next step may be the biggest, it is where we stand naked before each other.  My family saw my nakedness when I was born so I feel confident before them but with others I am shy and fragile.  We have time to explore each other on this shared journey.  Time to make mistakes, learn, and grow beyond what we can imagine.  I see you for all that you are and all that you will be and I am with you unconditionally.

You should know that I kneel in the center of my world because I have not lost the gravity of the situation, I am here because of all of you.  We hold each other together.

You should know that all you need to do is reach out...


  

Man on Top

I have been spending time thinking about my future lately and if I see a place for a husband and children. 

I am in no rush to get married because I have seen too many people rush down the aisle only to divorce as quickly.  I don't think I would be happy just playing house with a guy either.  I guess you can say my views are very old fashion.  I want to find a guy that can take care of me but not because I can't take care of myself.

My friends and I go back and forth on this, "Man is the Head of the Household" idea.  I just feel there should be one person with a little more power in a relationship.  I am not saying that he/she shouldn't listen to the other and make compromises or that the person with more power always gets his/her way. 

I believe a man should take care of his woman and a woman should take care of her man.  Maybe I would feel differently, if the successful role models in my life were not this way.  I don't think there is anything wrong with a woman that cooks, cleans, and takes care of the house while the man takes care of the family, which includes taking out the garbage and mowing the lawn. 

Talk to Me!

I have discovered that I really enjoy talking to all kinds of people and bouncing in and out of chat.  This is really a fun thing for me and it is a way I like to relax right before heading to bed. 

No matter how tired I am, a good day of chat can pull me online well into my allotted snuggle dozing time.  I guess I could read a racy novel or watch something mind blowing on the boob-tube before bed but I like the interactiveness of chatting.  

I have really learned a lot from the people I chat with and sometimes they are things I never thought I needed.  I have learned not to take things online too seriously so you really should not either.  I learned that am not online to make a real in person connection with anyone.  I have enough connection with my offline world but I do try to respond to anyone who makes an effort to stroke a keyboard and join in the conversational jive.  I do not like "private" conversations with people I don't know.  Anything worth pursuing takes time and patience.

I have spent many a day laughing to the point of a wet spot over some witty quip.  I also enjoy some of the links that chat-a-holics post. Here are few that I have resulted in a few unladylike  giggle snorts: Honest Trailer (example) or Collegehumor!  I would love for you to share a few funny videos that have crossed your screen~

The Imposter

I have recently reconnected with someone from my past.  This is not someone I would call a friend. 

I guess more of an acquaintance would suit our connection to each other.  I have to mention that this person is someone I met online and I haven't had the pleasure to know them in the light of day. 

Our conversations are very different now and I have to wonder if this is even the same person from my past.  I hear others crying foul and this only makes me draw from memories so long forgotten that I barely glimpse them myself. 

I guess it doesn't make sense why someone would pretend to be someone not themselves so the logical side begs me to listen to reason where my instincts tell me to mute them.

What joy does one get with such deceit?  I guess time will tell where the truth lies and meanwhile I will step softly and keep my wits about me.

The Serpent

What exactly are you selling?  Your smoke and mirror tricks don't work on me anymore.  I have seen for myself your twisted ways and serpent lies.  I spent too much time under your spell.

 I kept thinking what you were pedaling was exactly what I needed.  In the light, you were the brightest of bright and now with the spotlight pointed on your, I see you are retreating to the darkness for wince you came. 

You ask for an audience to explain what I know.  Oh charlatan, is this your way of tricking me again and a time for you to tell me what I see clearly is just an illusion?  I simply do not have the strength to play this game with you anymore...checkmate, you win!

Bitch Slapping

Have you ever noticed that men can be total drama "queens" when it comes to arguing amongst themselves?  I listened to three grown men disagree about something for almost a full hour and they didn't say anything but kept the conversation in the juvenile range. 

I know you are but what am I...over and over and over again.  Nothing was solved and they just kept getting more and more worked up... these three will probably be back at this conversation when they meet again.  I think they really enjoy staying at this level of disagreement and have no ambition to actually solve the problem or move on...makes me want to bitch-slap the lot of them!

Wake Up

Do you ever get so wrapped up in a dream that when you awaken you feel a longing for what was lost, the dream? 

I use to have really bad nightmares when I was younger and I would wake up screaming, sweaty, and full of terror.  I learned that I could change things in my dreams and I started to fight back in my dreams.  If someone was chancing me with a knife, I would suddenly spring wings and fly away and soon my night-terrors were a thing of the past.  My dreams started to change and I stopped being afraid.

Now, I hate to get up because I love to just snuggle beneath my sheets with my head in a good dream.  I try to write down some of the topics when I wake up because I believe they are solutions to problems I am having or they would make good topics for future writings. 

Either way, it is a good way to spend your time in bed...

Stroking Feverishly

Do you hop around the internet looking for something sexy or sex, sex, sex?  I notice that my posts that are more sexual in nature get a higher amount of readability.  So do I continue to infuse my writings with little tidbits of sexual innuendo or lay them down as they come to mind?

Words are an amazing thing, I can hold their firmness between my fingers and let my fingertips slowly explore each nook and cranny, sliding and slipping over the surface of my keyboard.
 I can feel them pushing, harder and faster as I stroke feverishly because I know I am about to burst into a new ummmm idea.

It is a part of me and how I write.  I guess it will always be there.  I can't pick my words to draw you here because I wouldn't be writing for me anymore.  I would just be a whore to the oldest profession and I want more than that...but we all know I have a sexual side and it comes out to play a lot...

Warm Bodies

While reading, I came across a reference to Salvador Dali.  I,  of course, had no clue as to who or what a "Salvador Dali" was so I looked it up.  I was pleasantly surprised to see some familiar artwork attached to name. 

This unleashed a curiosity for me to discover more about this thing called surrealism.  I have found a multitude of information and I have browsed through a considerable amount of images to discover that I really like this type of artwork.  I do not think there is a particular artist I like but there is something about the craziness that is so sane.

 I think I will purchase a few to gaze upon because I find they really make me smile~ I hope you find something that does this for you too...and just think, it came from reading a simple book.

Silver Linings

If you ask me if the cup in half full or half empty, I would say half full every time. I tend to look for all the good in things or the positives.  I have had some really bad things happen in my life and people ask me how I was able to move on from those things.  I am not sure I will ever truly move on but I have learned how to deal with them a little better.  It starts by looking for those silver linings and believing things could have been worse.  I am thankful for what I have and I try not to feel sorry for myself or my unlucky situations.  I focus on the good even if it is not a lot to go on.  I am able to move pass a lot and stay focused and positive even when others are trying to bring me down...

Image

I usually find the topic very easy to write about.  The topic is something that is on my mind and I just put fingers to keyboard and it just flows out.  I will come back in a day or two and re-read what I typed and I find all the errors that I made. 

I edit the mistakes and then move on but I know I might be back to re-read in the future. I know I miss a lot of things but I always try to get the words downs they way I think them and I limit my editing to just the misspelled problems.  I find it funny sometimes that my fingers type a whole different word than my brain thinks. 

The thing that takes the most time is the selection of the picture.  I usually spend a lot of time pouring over art images until I find the one that moves me.  I love to look at beautiful images and there are so many out there, that sometimes I get lost in the process.  I hope you like the images I select and you also find the beauty within them...

The Entity

If you truly believe in freedom of speech, you have to listen to a lot of crap that you don't agree with. To have the freedom to say anything, means not only the popular opinions, it means everything...even the harassing, bullying, offensive, and hateful speech.

Everyone, including me,  is going to say something that offends someone else.   Words are just words and even though they can make you feel angry, hurt or offended they are just words.  We allow words to transform into an entity that can bring us to a bad place.

It might be nice to live in a world where no one ever says anything hateful or mean, or where you don't have to listen to anything that offends you but this world is just real in a dream because there are people who are hateful, ignorant, careless, cruel and insensitive in our world. 


You do have the power to ignore words that offend you or control the degree in which they affect you.  The people who really count in your world, the ones that love and support you.  Those are the words you should let into your life and take to heart, not the total stranger that could careless about who you are.

Remember you are in control and don't let someone else take that away from you.  Don't let words become the thing you start to fear...

Toxic Love

I heard a new song about being in a tragic, insane kind of love that brings you pain, but of course it is worth it.  I like the song but I am not sure about the message.  This is a toxic love the hurts you but you just can't let go. 

You still need it, but you wish with every fiber of your being that you did not.  This sounds like an addiction.  I thought the song was about a love between a man and woman but the more I listen to it, the more I am not totally convinced. 

I guess everyone can relate to this type of toxic love and no matter how good it feels you have to take the first step to walk away.  Put one foot in front of the other, take a deep breath and don't look back, look forward and step softly...

The Force

People use to say,  "Either you are on the bus or you are under the bus!"  I assume the choice is yours and being "on" the bus is where you want to be.

You don't want someone to "Throw you under the bus!"  This means that they take credit for something you have done or point out a mistake you made in a public place. 

These type of people know exactly what they are doing.  They are not nice people and they will say anything to get ahead in this world and could care less on the carnage they leave behind.  You need to recognize this and be prepared to move on.

You should also protect yourself from this type of person.  You should always let people around you know what you have done.  It is as simple as adding someone to an email.  If someone ever tries to throw you under the bus, you must call them out immediately. 

Make sure others hear you when you call a spade a spade and confront the aggressor with the facts. Be prepared to stand your ground.  You should request a sit down with the tongue-wagger and the hirer-ups if it is a work situation. 

I can't guarantee this will always work but standing up to the bus thrower will make him think twice about trying it again.  People should know you are a force to be reckoned with...

New World

If you checked out a calendar, you would have noticed it is Earth Day today.  This is a day when people everywhere take action in their communities to make our planet a little bit better.

Some people are trying to conserve our resources and others are wasting just wasting them.  I am sure there is a balance somewhere but are we better off?

I wonder about the people that do nothing or do not care about the global problems we will face.  It is really making a difference?  It the tragedy of the commons. 

I can hope the small things I do: recycle, reuse, reduce and re-purpose materials will be enough.  I have to at least try!

Vulnerable

I see the imprint of you in all the things around me.  I realized you have had a great influence of who I am today. 

We have not always arrived at this destination in the classiest of ways.  We have endured a lot and I am a little afraid to walk on my own without you standing next to me.

 I feel weaker without you near me and my confidence is rattled.  I know I must do this on my own, each step, each stride, each increasing length.  I must keep my eyes forward and move toward my new destination. 

I can only hope that at the end I will find you there with arms opened wide...people who care about you support you, they don't tear you down, expose your weaknesses and leave you vulnerable.  I will live...

Magic

I know it is nice to take the time to send an email to family and friends but when was the last time you took the time to write something by hand and slip it into the mailbox.

I am far away from my family and I really miss them and I always feel a little closer when I write to them about what has been going on in my life.  I think there is something magical about getting a hand-written letter via snail mail.

I always start my letters the same way.  I jot down my thoughts on scratch paper and then I re-copy my words onto fancy paper and use colored pens for extra drama.  I sometimes draw pictures in the margins to help illustrate a point.  I do like draw even if I am not very good at it.  I also add stickers to the letter and the back of the envelope.  I finally put it in my mailbox and pull the flag up...and let the magic begin...don't forget to write back to share the experience...

Wanting

I have been thinking about all the tragedy lately and it is just another reminder to live your life to its fullest because you never know when your chance to do that will be gone.

I have a lot of things I still want to do so I would say my bucket list is full and overflowing.  I want to do some crazy and wild things like spend a week in a haunted place or walk across an entire state. 

I want to see the world and sample food from every country.  I want to swim/put a toe in every ocean.  I want to run in the Boston Marathon.  I want to conquer my fear of heights and climb to the top of a high building or tower and look over the edge.  

I want to find the soul that completes me and to fall truly, madly, deeply in love, maybe I will even get married.  I think one day I would like to have a child of my own.  I want to buy a house at the beach and have beautiful garden.

I want to volunteer to build a house.  I want to learn something new everyday and I want to be thankful for what I have and acknowledge those who have given me perspective.  I want to live...

Baking Sweet Creations

Today in chat, I was asked if I like to bake.  I do love to make sweet creations in the kitchen.  I am actually very comfortable in the kitchen and I love to be creative with my meals. 

I should thank my mother for teaching me how to cook and my dad demanding that I do it at a young age.  I don't really like cooking for myself so I save my talents for friends and loved ones.

 I guess in the same conversation, someone asked about my blog.  And to make a long story even longer, he thought my blog was about baking. I guess it is today! 

Topless Trouble

I love the feel of the wind against my face and the gentle whipping of my hair as I drive topless in the spring sun.  It is one of the simple pleasures I enjoy as the days warm.

 Yesterday, I decided to bring my top down for the first time since spring and not to mention the first time since I bought my new convertible.

 I was a little concerned with the noises I was hearing from my new car.  I knew it was trouble but I decided to ignore it until I got home.  When I got home I realized that my driver side window would not go up or down, just my luck the rain was heading for me that night!  I called the dealership and made an appointment for repair.  I knew this was not going to be good.

I braced myself when they called with estimate for repair.  I was delighted to know they would fix everything for less than $80!!!!  I guess I crossed the right body part and I can now ride topless throughout the city.

Sleeping Noises

Who doesn't want to improve their memory and quality of sleep?

I just read an interesting article about improving sleep and memory.  It seems that introducing clicking noises while a person is in deep sleep, seems to show a significant increase in enhancing a person's memory.

CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK 

The noises must be in sync with your brain so I guess the next big thing will be inventing headphones that "Click" while you sleep.  We will have a new generation of headphone clicking Einsteins.  But I hafta ask, how do these scientist come up with this stuff to try.  What was the motivation, a college prank?

Long Words, Sex, & Fast Women

I ran across a website about interesting facts.  I thought I would share a few of my favorites.

1. There are a lot of interesting and random phobias out there.  However, the fear of long words, Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia may have the most ironic (and cruelest name).  So let’s say you do have this phobia. You’d be terrify to name your ailment. Kind of a conundrum.
2. Having sex while sick can reduce a fever due to the sweat produced.  Everyone knows that sex is enjoyable. More than that, there are many other benefits to sex beyond just the fact that it is fun. One is that it can help with a fever. Sex works as a natural antihistamine that combats fever and even asthma.
3. Women have been found to speak about 20,000 words per day while men only speak about 7,000 words. That’s quite the difference. It turns out that women speak faster as well—sometimes twice as fast.

Playing Games

Breaking up with someone you care about is very difficult, I guess if it wasn't then there wouldn't be so many songs dedicated to subject.  So how do you deal with everything in social situations, when you want to move on amicably.

 Try to always take the high road, but that is hard when someone is playing games and it seems like they are out to hurt you.  I just want to scream and yell and expose the whole world to everything that I see going on, but what would I accomplish?

 I guess I only can say this here, I see you and I see what you are doing and I hope this makes you happy.  I will always answer politely before wishing you the best and excusing myself.  Life is too short for games, unless it's a board game.

Secret Garden

The long, cold winter has left my garden with thick, vigorous growth.  Now that the weather is warmer, it is definitely time to trim it back a bit.

 I hear that time spent in preparation reduces the time you will spending maintaining your garden over the course of the growing season.

Good preparation starts with this simple plan:

1.  Gather materials- It should be noted that using the proper tool is always quicker than doing it by hand, but it might not be as enjoyable.
2. Choose a spot- Be sure to check the moisture level, if it is too wet or dry it might cause a problem.
   
3. Mark the boundary-  You might want your garden to be more natural and to encompass the full terrain, or perhaps you might want a smaller, more manageable strip, like they have in France.  If you fail completely with gardening, you can always move to Brazil.  I hear that is a way to go too.
4. Removal about every three weeks- Trim, shape or pluck out any unwanted growth and keep up the maintenance!

Hoeing Advice: Make sure that your hoe you are as upright as possible to make it easy on your back. The length is key to this. In tests some hoes were found to do better with a longer length than others.

Now that your garden is well groomed anything is possible so enjoy your summer but avoid too much hoeing it can be hard on your back!!

 

Friend Zone

Let's define a friend.  According to Merriam-Webster online dictionary, a friend is one attached to another by affection or esteem.  I think we have friends in our lives in order to help us get through the good and the bad and they also help us feel loved and accepted. 

We need the following friends in our lives: A childhood friend to help you remember the past;  An honest friend so you can always hear the truth even though you don't want to hear it; ,An adventurous friend to take you to new places; A business friend to help you with work related issues; An unlikely friend share experiences different from your usual escapades

Friends are here to make your life better and to encourage you to be your best but you still get to decide what you want to share with your friends.  You can keep private things to yourself and just because a friend asks, doesn't mean you have to oblige.  Do not blame your friends for your poor decisions if you keep things from them.  Enjoy your friends and live your life the way you want!

Silent Whispers

A friend came to me the other day to tell me people were talking about me when I wasn't around.  Most of the things that were repeated to me were exaggerations or just plain lies.

I wonder why someone would feel compelled to thrust me into the forefront of their conversation.  It is not like I have performed some amazing feat or frankly, been lurking around much lately.  I guess the times call for a re-airing of events from the past and with any past, things get dug up when you sift through the dirt.

It's not the talking behind my back that rubs me the wrong way, it is how I have been approached by total strangers telling me that they have heard about me, like a cat with a mouthful of canary.  

I look back and I know I haven't always made the right choices.  I don't think anyone can say that they have, but I am in a very different place now and I know I have to let some things go.  I will just continue to write what I please and let the silent whispers fade into the background.

Render Anew

Well, it is officially spring now but days have been growing colder and more dismal.

 I can see the flowers budding and trying to break free of the bonds of winter's chill.  It won't be long before their floral brilliance explodes upon this world like paints to a canvas.  Spring renders everything anew and brings forth a rebirth of life.

 I will soon spend time planting a garden and bringing forth a new harvest of something once loved and forgotten.  Spring may be new today but soon it will be but a distant memory.

Frozen Teardrops

I watched the snowflakes fall gracefully in a swirling dance around me. Pint-sized frigid gymnasts tumbling across my lashes.  Each so precious and fragile and knowing that each will only to last for a moment before melting.  I open my arms and spin to the beat of the falling snow as I marvel at the miracle. This world is a frozen wonderland, sparkling with unexpected life and these surprising memories will always warm my heart.

 

Changing

Someone told me that my blog is all about change...but I never do.  I do not think this was a compliment.  I believe it was meant to say that I was still making bad choices.

 I guess in some ways they are right.  I do talk a lot about the things I want to change or how I am changing but I guess when it comes down to it, we seldom really change.  I am the same person who has gone through the same experiences and as much as I would like to change those things, I can't.

 I react to things in the same way as I always do. I do try to make better decision and be a better person.  It is hard to be a completely different person so I believe that it might look like I am not changing but I believe I am and I think that really counts.  I am sorry you don't agree with all my choices and you think I haven't learned from my many mistakes but I have.  I am just not changing on a grand scale but by baby steps.  I still have time...  

Whips and Chains

Topics change a lot when you are chatting.  The last time I was in chat we talked about the best way to style your hair...should be down or in a pony tail.

 We decided it depended on the activity. The hair topic brought us to the "whip it good" saying which of course moved to whips and chains excite me, like in the song.  This was a colorful dialog. 

We also brought up that there should be a wine icon because sometimes you just want wine over beer.  Which led us to talking about St. Patrick's Day and tapping kegs with straws.  I am not much of a drinker so I couldn't contribute too much to this topic.  I am sure there were more things but these are the ones that stick out.

Connection

I have been very busy lately but it seems when I get a chance I go in search of some no-strings-attached chatting.  I find myself staying for only a short time but it is a nice way to connect with people. 

I don't want to really share anything about myself because this type of chatting has nothing to do with making a personal connection with someone.  I just want to have a conversation about something, anything, or everything random.  It is like my interactive book.

I like how you have the option to stay or go whenever you like.  You can change the subject and for the most part you will have someone respond to your randomness.

 I also like re-connecting with people that I have talked to over the past years but that is not the reason I go to chat.  I am not looking for a past, just passing the time.  If you ever see me there, just start up a conversation...in public please.

Bottoms Up!

Everyone should have a pair of faithful, trusty jeans.  They are always there when I need them, ready to take the stress out of any situation as they relax my sensibilities. 

The hug my hips and I know I can kick back and put my feet up and my jeans will only encourage my comfortable mood.

 I know that when I am having a fashion emergency, I can always count on them, like a trusted friend. 

I hope you have a pair of trusty jeans in your life.

Responsibility

I wish I could change things for you.  I wish I could take the hurt away, but I cannot.  I can only take responsibility for my actions.  I can not blame the one who bullied me but only blame myself for letting those words touch me so completely.  I cannot be responsible for you either.

 I do not make you mad, happy, angry or joyous, only you can do that.  I am sorry for misunderstandings but I have do nothing to be ashamed of...for once, I have just used my words and reached out to talk others.  I have made no commitments only conversations.  I am not looking for more than that here.  These are my words and I have said that all along.  I am not looking to find you here.  

Pillow Fights and PJ's

I have been a little under the weather lately which means my sense of fashion is non-existent.

When I glanced at myself in a mirror, I realized I have been rocking this pajama look.

There is just something about a good pair of pajamas that always makes me feel more relaxed.
 I love the way the comfortable material strokes your skin, like a mini massage.  How can you not feel a little better?


 I guess other than shoes, I probably have a great collection of pj's of all shapes, sizes and material choices.  When I am sick, I like to wear a lot of bright colors.  Lately, my collection of nightly covers have been pink and purple hues.  I guess it is my way of cheering myself up when I am feeling a little out of sorts.  So with the help of an awesome pair of pj,s, a fluffy pillow and soft-to-touch blanket, I am ready to kick this bug to the curb...

Blood on the Blade

I hurt someone today.  I didn't realize it until it was too late.  I thought about what I could have done differently and upon reflection, there were so many things... 

I thought, when you care about someone,  you protect them and keep them safe from harm. I thought that is what I was doing, protecting something so precious.

Who knew that I was that harm...  I wanted to be honest but I wasn't ready to say what was in my head or in my heart. My words were cold and heartless even though I didn't notice the tone or the climate change at the time. 

 I have never tried to hurt anyone but I can't play victim anymore.  I have to own up to my part..you deserve so much more from a friend...I know now I am the drama draining person in your life..I am sorry I hurt you...

Pent-up Feelings

You hear something you do not like and you stuff it down.

You see something you do not like and you stuff it down.

You read something you do not like and you stuff it down.

Stuff it down to the deepest and darkness part of your soul.
You stuff and  push until nothing else can fit

You let what you have stuffed and pushed fester and churn inside you.

Until those raw emotions are ready fill you completely
and it does not even take a spark to see those pent-up feelings
EXPLODE!

Bump In the Road

I was heading down a smooth road in the direction of my choosing when out of nowhere there was a huge bump that threw me off course.

I am now heading in a direction that I have not picked.  I am not sure if I am even prepared to deal with the change.

What choice do I have?  I have to keep going even though my destination has change my path is still clear.  I just have to watch more carefully for bumps in the road...

Drama-Draining

I have had people in my life who I love dearly but they take away most of my time and energy dealing with their crap or I guess a nicer way to put it is...with their "drama".

 It is always something with these individuals, there is always a crisis to be solved, a situation to correct, or a fire to put out!

You spend so much time trying to wrap up their lives into a neat bow that you soon realize it is yours that is in need of some serious attention to detail.  I don't think dropping them like a lead weight it the right way to go.  I think in this situation you have to put some of the blame on you side of the equation.  I mean, you let them borrow and carry from you until you were left with nothing.

The trick here is communication.  It is time to sit down and have a serious conversation with your drama-drainer.  Let them know you are there for them but you can't continue in this way.  Lay down the rules and stick to them.  If your can't follow your guidelines, then you have no choice than to drop them off like college laundry to your mom's house.  Good luck draining the drama from your life!

Bad Habits

Bad habits can be very comforting, like a warm cup-of-soup on a blistering, cold night.

 Lounging in a bad habit might feel comfortable at first, but as good as you feel at the time, you know sooner or later you will feel the tinge of guilt and the gnawing realization that it truly is bad.

 To leave this kind of comfort behind,you have to be determined and strong enough to just walk away and avoid further temptations that might seduce you back to your bad habit.  I am not by any means saying this is easy to do.  There are no short cuts here.  The only way out is to walk away and do not ever look back...

Leaving Things Behind

Sometimes in life you have to leave things behind such as bad habits, pent-up feelings, drama-draining friends or quite literally, excess baggage. 

How do you figure out what to keep and what to leave behind?   I guess that has to do with what you are trying to accomplish in your world. 

I was going to write about how I think you should go about leaving things that you don't want in your life behind but I just realized that would be a very long post.  I think I will break it down into four more posts: Bad Habits, Pent-up Feelings, Drama-Draining Friends, and Excess Baggage.  My intentions are to start on those right away and make them my next posts but I also know myself well enough to know that is a tall order to fill...so wish me luck~

Seek Pleasure

I took some time today to read over my past posts.   I had a lot of fun reliving some of my chatting moments.  I have really changed a lot over the years.

When I first starting chatting, I wanted everyone to know and lick...errr LIKE me.  I posted bunch of pictures of myself and some even a little too revealing.  I am sure my bikini pics are roaming around somewhere on the internet.

 I would always share personal information and I took what people said to heart.  I learned that not everyone has good intentions and some people just love to hate.  It is the thing that makes them feel big and strong.

I always wonder what people haters are like in real life.  Are they really that mean to people?  I like to think they have it bad where they are and they are able to get through their day by being a jerk online.  I guess I just have to learn that I can't please everyone and bullies don't think about what they say to others and why should I spend any time thinking about what they say to me.  (Easier said then done!)

I don't spend much time chatting anymore.  I guess I found a place in the real world that makes me happy.  I do like to check in with online friends from time to time.  I guess as you age you get wiser.  I always want to be me.  I love life and the people I meet.  I guess I will always seek pleasure but what good is life if you don't have fun along the way!

Bottoms up!  Remember, creative minds use duct tape and whipped cream~ smirkles~

Insignificant Packages

Have you ever thought about why you are here?  I mean literally, how did you get to this page?

You are reading my words and for a moment you are here with me.  I am not judging you or trying to change who you are but I am sharing time with you, in this moment we are one.

I wonder about what you are thinking as you read these words.  I wish our space was the same for a bit so that I could feel your breath and gaze upon your gestures.

Instead, I must image all that is you.  I hope your day was good and you smiled at least once, if not a zillion times.  I love to look at a smiling face...

I hope you took the time today to notice something small and insignificant.  I found the greatest rewards sometimes are those that come in small, insignificant packages...

Thank you for your time, enjoy yourself and know for a moment there was someone here that thinks you are the best, even if it is just for a moment of time that we spent together today....

Hold me Down

You caress my body gently with your strength and hold me down until I can't breathe.  I must will myself to over come you.  You will always be stronger than I am, your muscles make you my powerful enemy. You push me, slap me and make me the color of the horizon after the sun has slipped safely away.  I am yours to command and puppet.  You hold my strings and make to perform on command.  You needs are always met and mine are just taken by force.  You are the storm in my world and terror in my dreams.  I can never escape your grasp.  Hopeless and wounded I wait for you to caress my body gently with your strength and hold me down until I can't breathe... 

Height of Passion

I see you.  The person you try to be for me and the person you are to everyone else.  Why are there so many paths to the road you are traveling? 

I see you.  The person you put down on paper and the person you fill the world with.  Why are there so many casualties in your battle of the heart? 

I see you.  The person you play on the stage and the person you hold in the darkness of the day.  Why are there so many words in the pages of your life story?

 I see you.  The person you scream in the height of passion and the person you strangle in the mist of the rain.  Why are there so many questions about you?  I see you.  I see you in my reflection.  I see you as you see me.  I see you.

Prepare Yourself

Don't let them drag you down...  You don't need a gun to take back what is yours.  It is time to fight for what you want...dig deep inside yourself to rise up to the challenge.  Prepare yourself to step out of your comfort zone and into a colorless world but this is your chance to escape.  This is your life and I hope you understand that you have one and only one voice and you need to shout and be heard.  Don't let them drag you down because you are afraid of changing...I am here for you, reach out...and open up you heart and mind to me...

Body Thrusting

Put on the ear buds and be absorbed in the music.  Let it take over control of your senses.  Feel the pulsing throughout your pores and vibrations stimulating every inch of your body.  Rock your hips slowly while you thrust your body to the beat. Sway your wrists and ankles to the pumping rhythm that enraptures your hidden urges. Release yourself to the motion of the melody as you encompass the full embodiment of the song, dancing with delight as you take yourself over the edge.

Foggy Moon Bath

Have you ever felt a little unclear of things around you?  It is almost like rolling in a fog bank where you can see somethings close to you very clearly but things far away seem pretty blurred and hard to make out.

Because the things that are close to you are so visible and easy to navigate, you feel pretty safe and secure and maybe even you take it for granted that you will always be able to see things this way.

Looking out beyond makes you unsure because you can't see what is up ahead and you hold back a little and maybe stay somewhere too long just to hold on to those feelings of safety and security.

I encourage you to take a step of faith into fog, trust yourself and you will find a way to move forward.  You may stumble but you will gain a new understanding of your surroundings.  Hey, don't forget to look back and smile~ you have come a long way baby!