Sharing

It's colder now and it is time to pack away the summer dresses and pull out something a little warmer..

As the days grow shorter, I always get a little melancholy.  It is like my emotions are tied to the brightness of the sun and when it starts to fade so does my smile.  I haven't always been like that but things don't always stay the same...

I have been riding the merry-go-round way too much lately and it is definitely time to jump off...and camping with friend seems like a good solution.

We are going to a state park so I am not really "roughing" it but I am staying in a tent so I am going to say it counts.  The state park is a good choice because we have a lot of activities to pick from like hiking, boating, fishing, canoeing, and kayaking.

I think we will spend most of time huddled around the camping fire sharing stories, song and drinks~

I am sure I will do most of the cooking because of all my friends I have the most camping/cooking experience.  I am hoping that we catch a lot of fish~ yes, I do know how to clean and prepare ~

The Park

The Chatroom

I sit in front of my keyboard looking at a blank page and wondering what I could possibly type today.

There have been so many things going on lately that I am not even sure where to begin.  When things aren't going my way, I usually seek out this place to write down my thoughts and in a way settle things in my mind.

Writing isn't the only outlet I use.  I also walk...usually there is no destination, I just put on my shoes and head out~ but I always seem to end up at a park.  A secluded place surrounded by trees and in the very center there are a few pieces of playground equipment...swings, a slide, a merry-go-round, and a metal creature on a spring that you can ride~

So alone in the dark, I sit on top of the slide and I look toward that stars.  I feel safe and I can think.  Lately, I have been thinking about my expectations and what I want.  I have been forging my life in a certain way~ because I thought that is what expected~but does it make me happy~ I seem to spend a lot of time thinking about this~ and I don't think this is something that should require this much thought~ aren't you just "happy"~not a thought but a feeling...

I decided to change how I was doing things~ and then, I was dealt a harsh blow~ it took my breath away...and I am still reeling from the repercussions~ just when I decided to change on my own~ everything did..just not in the way I ever wanted...I can never do what I wanted to do~ this makes me feel powerless and out of control~ something I have never been comfortable with...

I am left with a world in chaos and I am trying to find some peace.  When I look up at the stars, I am reminded that I am just a small speck in such a vast place...but somehow knowing this makes me happy~ maybe things aren't as significant as I think...I mean look~ my once blank page is now filled with words...and you were here to read them...thank you my friend~ for your support~

Faded

The Chatroom

When I was younger, I use to have binders filled with pictures and memorable things...I would even take the time to write captions and add stickers to dress everything up~ I guess you could say my memories were all wrapped up with a pretty little bow~

Over the years...these binders are not the same, things have faded and some of those precious items have even been lost...so all that work making them look so special was worthless in the end~

If I don't remember that precious memory, does that mean it didn't happen?  Maybe I just don't want to remember, maybe it is just too painful...

There are so many gaps in my past that I am not sure if I will ever fill them in~ but I have accepted that reality.

I truly believe that even if memories fade~ the emotions that walked beside them will always be woven into the heart and mind~ I may not remember all the details but I will always feel their affects~ so lead with your heart if you cannot fill your mind...

Clouds

The Chatroom

I haven't been myself a lot lately~ mostly because I have a lot of things on my mind.  I was living life above the clouds and not once did I look down..until that day.  I can tell you the exact moment in time when my world came crashing down and I know I will never be the same again.

Life is so full of twists and turns.  You can't predict when you are going to hit a road block and the only certainty in life is that you will most definitely, hit one.

Now, I must re-adjust to my new latitude and figure out how to find my wings and soar once again.

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out a plan, trying to map out my next move but no matter how much time I put in to this, nothing seems right and I find myself starting over again and again.  I have decided to stop this madness because we both know it is not working.

When we are hurting, when tend to find a place that is safe to lick our wounds and recharge but for me, safety isn't a luxury I have.

I feel alone in a sea of smiling faces.  I know this is not the end of everything but I am finished with making plans and trying to get back to where I once was...I have accepted that I have to invest in a sturdy pair of shoes, because the long walk has just begun...

Toxic People

The Chatroom

What kind of people do you surround yourself with?  Do they help or hinder you?

Recently, I read an article about toxic people and it got me thinking about the people around me...

First of all, what does it mean to be toxic...well, I am talking about the toxic part of their "behavior" and the drama they create in your life.  Dealing with such an individual can be both difficult and draining.  So, how do you spot one?

Here are some signs of a toxic person: They spread negativity; They criticize you and others; They are jealous; They keep disappointing you; Everything is always dramatic; They play the victim; They are self-centered; They aren't interested in changing.

Do you know anyone that fits the bill here?  If so, what do you do...well, start with taking out a mirror and reflect on what trait makes you such easy prey...assessment just allows you to strengthen any weaknesses.  I not suggesting that you take the blame for their bad behavior but that you learn "why" this is happening so that you can stop it.

Toxic people are manipulators and abuse both emotionally and verbally~ you do not need these type of people in your life.  Plan your exit strategy and just get out...it may seem cruel but over time you will realize the benefits when you are smiling again~ 

My best advise is to always trust your gut~ trust yourself and your judgment...don't dwell on excuses or try to rationalize someone else's bad behavior.  You have to take care of yourself first~ good luck 

Arsenal

The Chatroom

Did you know that words can literally activate chemical processes that affect us at every level~ emotional, physical, mental~  This can point us in a direction of being successful and happy or one that leads to failure and distress...

You must know that conversations are essential to life...how else can we maintain relationships, build trust, or even bring pleasure to others and ourselves~

I guess that means that being able to communicate effectively is probably the most important basic skill that someone needs to have in order to survive in society.

I have an arsenal of words at my fingertips and it is up to me to pick the ones I use...I can be hurtful, offensive or even down right rude...but I can also heal, praise and compliment~ knowing how and when to use your words helps shape the kind of person you are and what people think about you...

The choice is yours my friend~ pick your words carefully...there is more at stake that you can imagine, especially in our online world...

The Star

The Chatroom

You hold me in place~ in my world you are my sky...

I can always see my brightness reflected in your eyes...

 I always soar high above the clouds because I can defy gravity when I am wrapped in your embrace.
In your presence, I burn hotter and shine brighter than anyone else around me.  My confidence pulsates in your direction and I can feel my heart quickening with each whisper of your lips...you steal my breath with each passing day...

I give to you my total self, to have and to hold....but where am I in your world...will my brightness someday fade~

Even if I am not always at my brightest, I will always shine for you because your are sky and I am your star...and we hold each other in our world~

The Tiger

The Chatroom

A tiger takes a step back before it jumps forward, so whenever life pulls you back, don't worry its going to lead you to a great victory....so in other words, sometimes you have to deal with bad stuff to get to the good stuff.

When you look back on all the times you felt defeated or even when you lost your way, you can see that many of those setbacks turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Sometimes it takes a tragedy, to see the good in things or people.  How many times have you been moved to be a better version of your self, after knowing something unspeakable happened to someone else?

It is okay to take a moment to let things settle in when you are facing a long and grueling path, but don't rest too long...the sooner you take your first step the sooner you will make it to your intended destination...remember to count your blessings along your way because that will make the monsters go away...

Safety Not Guaranteed

Chat

Do you ever want to just get away for awhile? I don't mean going on vacation.  I mean to just slip away from your problems and struggles, even if it is just for a brief moment...

I have been wondering how people deal with obstacles in life...and how do they get through things that seem so daunting, too big to ever overcome.  I have heard that you just smile and move forward but what do you do if you don't feel like smiling...if you just don't want to face the formidable opponent, does this make you a coward or just human?

You know, you can do everything right in life~ and live to the ideal.  You can eat all the right foods, exercise regularly, avoid using drugs or alcohol, study hard and get good grades, treat people right, and live virtuously... you can do all these things and still your safety is never guaranteed~ bad things will still happen...you just have to have the strength to get through them...

I am not sure how you do that though...I wish I had the answer.  I look back on my life and see that I have dealt with a lot but I have no idea how I got through it all~ I just did.

I am facing another crossroads in life~ and I am not sure which way to go because both paths look very rocky...I am sure it is normal to be afraid and right now I am numb and I do not know how to smile...I know I can't stay here very long and I must move forward...but I hope it is ok just to rest here for a bit, to take some more time before preceding...

Conversations

Chat

I do not make you feel sad, happy, angry or fear,  only YOU can do that.  I am sorry for any misunderstandings but I have done nothing to be ashamed of...for once, I have just used my words and reached out to talk to others.  I have made no commitments only conversations.  I am not looking for more than that here.  These are my words and I have said that all along.

I wish I could change things for you.  I wish I could take away the hurt, but I cannot.  I can only take responsibility for my actions.  I cannot blame the ones who bullied me but I can only blame myself for letting those words touch me so completely.  I cannot be responsible for you either...

Climax

 Come Here: The Climax

Do you bounce around the internet looking for something sexy or just sex, sex, sex?  I notice that my posts that are more sexual in nature get a higher amount of readability.

It doesn't really surprise me... words are an amazing thing, I can hold their firmness in my palm as my fingers slip an slide over the surface of my keyboard.  I can feel them pushing, harder and faster as I stroke feverishly because I know I am about to burst into a new idea...

Innuendos are a hard topic to grasp for some especially if they are not firm with the English language.

As a tool of humor, it stands erect.  However, with a limited understanding and oral skills the intended meaning may be hard to wrap your hands around and a more well-rounded explanation will be needed to fill in the holes.

And full penetration of the subject requires that the chatter take a long, hard look at the words that might have a handful or meanings and thrust them into the chat conversation at the right time so that they may satisfy many chatters at once.

This can be a rigorous process that requires a slow build-up of fluid phrases expertly inserted into the conversation and eventually increasing faster and faster until it flows quickly to the point and the intended sexual meaning comes to a hard climax.  It is always more pleasing when no one sees it coming, often by entering the mind through the rear.

Of course, use this method in moderation so that conversation does not get too hard to follow and remember an important point for chatting is to let loose and have a little fun~

This is how I write and it is a part of me.  I guess it will always be there.  I don't pick my words to just draw you here because I wouldn't be writing for me anymore~ I would just be a word whore to the oldest profession and I want more than that for myself~ but we all know I have a sexual side and it does come out to play~...a lot

Space

A place to visit: Lounge

 How far are we apart?  We may be just be a breath away but each grain of sand that separates us might as well be a mountain...because you are so far out of my reach...

No matter how great the space is between us, you are never far from my mind...when I close my eyes I see where I want you to be~ by my side...and I cannot help but smile.

I have learned that wishing, hoping and dreaming are just words that fill the void of what we think we want.  It is an action that will bring things into being.

 For now, just the distance of a keyboard can fill the space between us~ I don't need to feel your hand against my cheek to be touched by you for I can find my inspiration is just a few simple words...

I cannot live in this place forever.  I will need to find the action in my words for us to truly be together but until then I will dwell here, armed and ready for you to close the distance...between us~

Thrust

Find me here: The Place

  I wonder why someone would feel compelled to thrust me into the forefront of their conversation.  It is not like I have performed some amazing feat or frankly, been lurking around much lately.  I guess the times call for a re-airing of events from the past and with any past, things get dug up when you sift through the dirt.

I heard that people were talking about me when I wasn't around.  Most of the things that were shared with me were either exaggerations or just plain outright lies...

It is not the talking behind my back that rubs me the wrong way, it is how I have been approached by total strangers.  They like telling me that they have heard this and that about me, like a cat with a mouthful of canary.

I look back and I know I haven't always made the right choices and maybe they do have the right to talk but I think that is the same with anyone, let's hold up the mirror and see.

I am in a very different place now and  I know I have to let some things go.  I will just continue to write what pleases me and let the silent whispers fade into the background...

Airport

Chat for All~ A whole new world

Speaking of airports~

Thanks to mother nature most the east coast airports were shut down for a bit yesterday~ and wouldn't you know that would be the day that I decided to travel~

I ended up spending more than six hours in the airport before my flight was even boarded~ and landing at my destination only minutes before the rental car place was about to close for the day~ so let's just say~ it was a very interesting travel day for me...

So, what do you do to keep yourself busy in an airport when the wait feels like forever~

Here are some things that I tried~ I hope they will help if you ever find yourself in this situation...

1.  Wander around aimlessly~ take in the sights and even work on your cartography skills~

2.  Visits all the bars~ and see how many people you can get to buy you a drink~ this is especially challenging when you are traveling in your comfy clothes with no makeup and your hair is in a ponytail~

3.  Write a blog~ about writing blogs~ maybe the irony will get lost in the process~

4.  Practice your CPR skills at the American Red Cross Hands-Only Training Kiosks~ this is a must experience ~

5.  Smile~ and talk to strangers~ especially ones you would never cross paths with ever again~

6.  Flirt with the all the security and support staff~ you never know when a little kindness can get you on your flight a little more quickly~

7.  Grab your camera~ and take some insane pictures~ sometimes that best ones are the ones you have to get on the floor to take~

8.  Stare at people~ remember DO NOT break eye contact~

9.  Read, read , read...anything with words~ just don't do it out loud if you don't want dirty looks from the people around you~

10.  Bring a deck of cards~ play some high end poker~ you might even win enough for a small little souvenir of your time at the airport~


I hope you never get stuck in an airport for 6 hours or even over night~ but if you do~ stay positive~ and remember~ everything happens for a reason~ you never know who you might meet~

The Wall

A place to vent: gochatting.com

THE WAILING WALL

Have you been wronged?
Have you been picked on?
You're not the only one!!

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN
(or to whoever gives a damn enough to read this)
"Cortigiani, Vil Razza Dannata" -Rigoletto
I outrank you all. I'm outta here. I'll be back when and if I'm needed. Oh and I adhere to laugh "Mister. I am the Pope, this might be your church, right now I'm the Pope of Greenwich Village 'cause I got the tape alright?" - The Pope of Greenwich Village If this looks familiar...it is what was left on the Wall today...I do not know if it is gone for good or just taking a temporary hiatus.  I think people have asked what is the wall for many years now and I am NOT the one to give all the details... I can just tell you what it was and is for me.   Many, many years ago, I heard about this place in the whispers of chat...it was a place that only a select few knew about and you actually had to know someone to get the address.  Its secrecy was always intriguing.  After discovering this place, I read the wall for months before I ever had the courage to actually post.  It was the gossip and yellow journalism at its worse or best depending on how you saw things.   I remember getting upset about the things I saw there, especially if my name was included~ and friends would always ask why I went there or why did read the wall~ it would be much better not to go~ but still I read.  Over time, it was less of a secret but more of a topic starter in chat~ did you hear this and that...people would also flock there to see the exclusive picture page of some that never seem to post pictures in profiles...but later that all came down...   It was a place you could say whatever you wanted about whomever you wanted, it was hateful and cruel at times and very repetitive.  There was the famous freud of the HatFrieds and McCoopers that was legendary...and still goes on as we speak...it is the home of the mighty "Ball Of Words" that only Fried and his many personas could do...it was Kristi's sharp and critical rebuttals to the crazy conspiracy theories...it was the master of the archive that could find any past post with ease...it was a place where Clive always had something to say~ and sometimes without saying a thing~ it was where she who shall not be named and invisible ink~ was coined...it was a place for anger and laughs... It is also responsible for keeping some of us together after the great fall of chatting.com.  If it was this horrible place, why am I sad to see it gone, because you should know by now that I protect the right for anyone to be able to express what they want~ even if I do not like it or agree with it~ remember you decide how it affects you~  I hope Clive reconsiders shutting down the Wall~ because you should always leave on your own terms~ and not quit because someone did not like how you did things~  You have my support~ whatever you decide...

Light

Find me: Chat Fantasy

I heard the battle cry off in the distance...and I prepared myself to fight...

You learn a lot about yourself when you are provoked.  How do you respond when you are cornered?  Do you lash out or do you run?

The hardest part for me is controlling my emotions....anger, hurt and sadness, all roll into one~ and the feelings were overwhelming~ I knew I had to take control and find my true self...

I gathered my courage to confront you and I stood my ground.  I know neither of us won this battle but I am proud that I didn't back away, that I looked you in the eye.

I see the reason behind your words.  I did listen between blows and I understand how you were protecting me.  I will heed your words cautiously~ and I will stay true to myself.

I didn't feel alone in battle~ I felt the strength of those around me and I am grateful for their warmth during the coldness of it all~

I know I will hear the battle cry again~ but next time~ I will be ready...

Darkness

Visit my world: Chat Lounge

I could really just scream right now because I don't know how to fight this frustration I feel inside...so close to tears that all I can do is just walk away...and you have to know,  I hardly ever cry.

What about today was so hard~ it wasn't even the words that I have heard a thousand times before..Why did you do it~

Stop pointing your finger my way~ I haven't done anything of the things you keep accusing me of...I am not that complex or that calculating.
I know it really doesn't matter what I say~ my words fall upon deaf ears.   I keep hoping~ that the ones that count know the truth~ but I don't know what to think anymore...this constant barrage of insults and theories is beginning to take its toll~ the burden to great to carry~

I keep grappling with the idea of just leaving~ I keep questioning why I am here~ It isn't like my presence in this place even makes a difference...

Can't you see why I am here...there is so much negative in the world~why make this place that way too...

You don't know the paths that people walk, you don't know what they carry along the way~ and at the end of the day~ we escape...I just want to smile and have fun~ to enjoy our time together...to be the light in a sea of darkness...

I haven't always thought that way~ through a serious of unfortunate events I was knocked of my self proclaimed pedestal~ I didn't just lay on the ground, helpless and wallowing...someone helped me up~ and lit my path...I was so grateful for the kindness that surrounded me~ that I embraced all that I could~

I want to smile again~ in the light...I just don't know how to do that right now...

Downfall

Find me here: Chatatonic

What kind of person are you my troll?  You make threats and toss about my personal information like you know me.  Are you trying to scare me or are you trying to control me?

My advice to you is do your worse...if you think you can destroy my career then go for it...if you want to show up at my door, make sure you bring cookies....if you want to put a bullet through my head then just shoot~

I can't control my fate...if my world is going to spin out of control because of you so be it~ I am not afraid anymore...I have been beaten down enough, my bloody body left for dead. Your punches are just a drop in a vast ocean...My pulse still stirs and I am still hanging on with every fiber of my being~

I have to wonder this my troll~why did you choose to attack...what have I ever done to you~ I am open and honest about who I am because people need to see that not everyone is here to tear you down, but to build you up~ I want to create something in all the chaos...and so many here are lost~

I hope you decide to stop threatening me~ but I can't force you to do anything...you are given a choice...which path will you take?

I will stand before you and I will not run away~ you have the gun in your pocket~ will you pull the trigger?

Destination

You can stalk me here: Chategories

We all are traveling on different roads, going in different directions with different destinations~ but somehow we all ended up here.

Somehow we all decide to veer from our intended path and come to this place.  We were meant to meet here, but why?

We are total strangers but we can still enjoy a drink together and share some laughter.  We can't stay here forever~ we still have places to go but it is always nice to stop by and stay for a bit~

Everyday~ the roads out there are the same~ we are still going in different directions with different destinations~ but we still find ourselves here~

Our we trapped on pathway that loops here indefinitely or will we someday just lose the desire come here?

I asked you earlier~ to explain why?  I know I was meant to meet you here today...you needed to read these words.  You needed to know you are not alone~ there is always a place for you here...even when you don't need it anymore.

No matter where your road leads~ I will always be waiting for you~ with something to drink and a warm smile~ just don't be a stranger...

The Beginning

My latest addiction: Chatastophy

I built a time machine today and the hardest part was deciding where I wanted to go.

My first thought was to go back to the beginning, the place where we first met.  This time, I saw you coming before you even notice me.  I watched you closely.  You were exactly how I remembered you, nothing had changed but that is the problem, I know how this will end.  Now, I need time to think because this place isn't the right place for me to be...

I ended up in a garden somewhere in my future.  My still body sprawled across the beautiful backdrop of all nature had to offer.  I watched the clouds change into different apparitions and listened to the whispers of their voices in the wind.  As I gazed upon my future, I saw everything that would be and in that moment a sudden flash of light alerted me to my understanding and I knew exactly what I should I do.

I traveled back to that day, the one I call today, but this time I decided where I wanted to go...Maybe I will build a time machine today...

Ocean

You can chat with me here: Chatalicious

Have you ever typed something and wondered why people react the way they do?

I have often been totally confused by someone's response to something I posted and surprisingly this seems to happen a lot.  Sometimes they elicit such strong feelings that I have to take the time and figure out what and why it is going wrong.  Plus, women are emotional creatures (so I have been accused of many, many times) which means the likelihood of miscommunication is probably high.

Communicating online can be even more complicated because typing lacks the emotion needed for clear understanding and without these social cue..you can't show sarcasm, anger or love in the simple strokes of the keyboard.  Sometimes icons can help but who has a pocketful of those when you need one.

So, how do you straighten out a misunderstanding of communication?

I guess the best advice I can give is not to (I am not following my own advice right now) run away from the problem and work it out by simplifying the conversation.

Start from the beginning and make sure both parties are on the same page and seem to have a clear understanding before proceeding.  This is probably the most important part.  Ask many questions, until you can pinpoint where everything tipped off balance.

However, even if you sort the conversation.  It doesn't mean you will alway see eye to eye.

I can't promise 100% chance of success but 94.6% of the time the problem will work its way out with just a small melding of the mind and then everyone is all ~smiles~

Good luck~ I hope your commination never ends in misunderstanding~ and I hope the ocean sees the value of the moon~ =)

Umbrella

You can chat with me here: Our Chat

Do you think you have the right to say whatever you want?

I guess if you believe in free speech that means you have to allow people to say what they want, even if you do not like what they have to say.  It may seem like it protects the haters but when you start deciding where the line is...then the freedom is surely lost.

I don't always like all the things that I hear around me and especially when those hateful words are directed at me, but I would never risk not letting them say what they want about any topic.  I can choose to ignore or even walk away if what they say bothers me too much.

It is very difficult at times, to just ignore but sometimes you have to be stronger than the words that hold you down.  So let the hate spill out~ for freedom's sake but let me use my umbrella of common sense to protect myself from the words I do not like...

Let freedom ring and the tongues wag~

The Pretender

You can find me at Chat.

Do you always have to pretend with me?  Why do you insist on being something you are clearly not?

I know you are a chameleon and you change with the company you keep.  You are so buried in layers I am not sure you even know what lies beneath.

I accept that your spot are always changing and that I will never get through your strategically placed defenses, but I still have hope that one day you will not feel the need to pretend anymore.  I hope that you will be able to recognize yourself when that times comes...

Until then, I will play these silly mind games with you.  I will let you keep you this facade.  You keep coming back so you must be here for a reason.  Fooling others must give you a great satisfaction and it must keep you fulfilled.

I just want you to know that you do not have to pretend with me~ I can accept the harsh reality of what lies beneath...

My World

You can chat with me at gochatting.com.

If you want me to invite you into my world, there are a few things you need to know about me.

You should know that my universe is a circle, inviting and continuous and it is tiered, layered to protect all that I hold dear.

You should that a large circle of friends surround me, these are the voices of those that have reached out to me or those that have pulled me towards them.  I know each by name and the tidbits of his/her reality and this I can regurgitate on command.  My friends lift me up when I fall.  I am always reaching out so they do not stumble.  It is in the game of Clue where I learn who has my back and who has the knife.  It is here I strive for balance, catch and release: dividing my time, strengthening my ties, adjusting the parachute for the big plunge toward the next layer~

You should know that through this rabbit hole, embedded within are where my closest friends hang out, we debate life's twists and turns, challenge every fiber of being, laugh and cry, and it is also where the undressing begins as we strip down who we are.  We decide if we will take the next step..

You should know that I am very loyal and I do not understand those who are unfaithful.  If you do not like what you see, be up front and honest, this is the time to walk away.

You should know that the next may be the biggest, it is where we stand naked before each other.  My family saw me that way when I was born so I feel confident before them but with others I stand shy and fragile.  We have time to explore each other on this shared journey.  Time to make mistakes, learn, and grow beyond what we can imagine.  I see you for all that you are and all that you will be and I am with you unconditionally.

You should know that I kneel in the center of my world because I have not lost the gravity of the situation, I am not here because of all of you.  We hold each other together.

You should know that all you need to do is reach out and take a step toward my world and I will be waiting with my hand held out...

Cookies

Chat with me here: Go Chat!

You really find out a lot about what people think about you by what they say when you are gone...what tales do they spin~ what mischief to do they have up their sleeves~

Chat can be a place where you unleash your imagination~ there are not boundaries to what you can do or say there~ the world is what you make it...and if you don't like what you have created~ simply logout and come in again~ with a different nick...a new chance to re-invent yourself~

In this fantasy world~ you are only limited to what you can envision~in this world I could be having a secret affair with an ogre~ or have a love child named "oggy" and be one rendezvous away from another~ maybe there is a glimmer of hope for "choggy"~  I can drag out a super-soaker and battle the others in a matrix style fight~ I can bake cookies, pass out snack and open the bar~ to pass the time~

I can also just be me~ I can embrace your friendship and advise you on life~ without asking for payment of course~ I can listen (even though I excel at gabbing)~ I can be there for you...

Come play with me~ let's make this day about laughing and smiling~ let's not think about anything else~ see you there

Tightrope

At the beginning of each post, I will link The New Chatroom.

Today is quiet and still.  There is no one around, just the sound of my thoughts.  I know I am walking on a tight-rope suspended high above the jagged rocks~ all I have to do is keep the balance as I make my way across.

The words seem so simply but the action seems impossible.  Why is it so difficult to find balance in your life~ why is everything always tugging you this way and that?

There is no time limit~ so all I really have to do is put one foot in front of the other to move forward...holding out my arms to steady myself along the way~ eyes to front...focused on my goal. With all my distractions limited~ I will see clearly my intended path and eventually complete the task.

Take a deep breath, gather your courage, focus on your goal and take step in the direction you want to go.  Make the impossible happen~ I know you can do it...

Go.Chatting.Com

There is a new chat place out there and you can find it at http://gochatting.com/.

If you ever want to stop by and say hi~ you will always be welcomed.  If you let me know it is your first time there, I will be sure to give you your "Welcome" basket of goodies and a private tour personally.  How else will you know where the pool tables and hot tubs are located?

This place was built by are really thoughtful guy who wanted all of the lost chatters to find a safe haven...and isn't that what really matters~ of course, there are rumors that this place is just an elaborate hoax to trap unsuspecting chatter for who knows what nefarious reasons~ so are you ready to walk on the wild side of life???

Well~ take my hand and let's explore that path to the wild side together...


This chat place is special to me, mostly because I feel that I have helped improve some things~ I mean really all I did was point out a lot of the problems~ and I guess that helped because slowly, things began to change...for the better~

I have been hanging out there a lot more lately because it has been fun watching the place evolve~ but unfortunately there are not enough "new" people finding where we are...

So I, with no authority given to me, have appointed many chatters as the head of new recruitment~ mind you~ I have told them all that they are the head of this newly made-up division~ so don't let them know that it doesn't really exist~ just our little secret...

Right now we are in the brainstorming phase~ pretty much~ I am letting them do all the storming of the brains and I just record what they think~ hopefully we will come up with a good plan of action to increase the number of new chatters~ when I say "we"...I really mean them~

I hope that this site keeps getting better~ I would like it to be successful~so the only thing I can do~ to help promote it~ is to bring it to my blog~ maybe when you read this~ you might come and join me for a bit~ I would love to get to know you...ummm~ a little better

Casting Spells

Today I learned to cast a spell of protection to keep myself safe.  I must be truly gifted for the barrier that surrounds me cannot be penetrated.  I will never have to fear an impending attack and my defenses will never fail.  I have nothing fear.  I can endure.

I look around and I see those who do not have any talent for casting spells.  I walk with my head held high knowing that they will never be able to protect themselves as well as I can protect myself.  I, I , I...I am the only person I need to rely upon. I can endure.

I look around and I see those who do not have any talent for casting spells and they look so happy. How can you be happy not knowing if you can protect yourself?  I am safe but is this any way to live. I can cast a spell and I can keep everyone out but can I be happy?  I can endure.

I look around and I see those who do not have any talent for casting spells and I am envious.  They cannot protect themselves but they do not care what I think.  They live their lives no matter how I feel about them.  They do not care that I have a talent for casting spells.  They can endure.

I am safe but the sound of this silence is deafening.  I do not care that I have a talent for casting spells.  I just want to feel the fear of and impending attack and I want to worry about my defenses failing.  I want to not care what people think about me.  I want to endure with you by my side.

The Queen

What exactly are you selling?  Your smoke and mirror tricks do not work on me anymore.  I have seen for myself your twisted ways and serpent lies.  As it is, I have spent too much time under you hypnotic spell.

I kept thinking what you were peddling was exactly what I needed.  In the light, you were the brightest of the bright and now with the spotlight pointed on you, I see you are retreating into the darkness from wince you came.

You ask for an audience with me to explain what I know.  Oh charlatan, is this your way of tricking me again?  Is this a time for you to tell me what I see clearly is just some sort of illusion?  I simply do not have the the strength to play this game with you any longer...checkmate, you win!

NO~ Real Pain

I thought I understood the enigma called man, but it turns out I have no clue about this species.  I have spent a lot of time watching them interact in a social setting and I realize I am more confused than ever.

I don't know how my words are being received, and I don't know how much of what I say actually gets through.  Sometimes I think I am talking to a brick wall.  I know I am an emotional creature and I tend to react first and think later.

You told me that your feelings were hurt and I said I was sorry but in the end, it didn't matter at all. because you you couldn't accept my apology.  We are just spinning in two different directions and I do not ever think we will see eye to eye.

Thank you for showing me that I don't know half as much as I think I did.  I am sure things will work out in the end but I have done all that I can.  I am not willing to change who I am just because you got your feelings hurt.

My capacity for friendships is unlimited and I will always have room for you~ but I am not bending to your will just because there is something about me you do not like ~so this post is about you~ you are the my topic~ as you wished...

The words flowed so easily because if you haven't figured it out that one simple "NO"...hurt~

The Rain

I don't know if it is because I was born under the sign of Aquarius, but I always seem to find a sort of strength from water~ 

When I am troubled, hearing the crash of the waves against the shore, always puts me at ease.  I can spend hours in the pool and feel more refreshed and invigorated than when I began.  The gentle tapping of the rain against my window pane~ lulls me into a dream-like state...

But there is something special about the rain, it is an old friend~ and it always seems to embrace me...

I got caught in the rain the other day and even though the heavens had opened up and pelted with a barrage of rain drops, I stayed my course.  

I did not run and I did not engage my umbrella.  I just simply walked it the steady wetness and inhaled its intoxicating scent as if I was in a faraway trance.  

I love the feel of the rain ricocheting off my body~it makes me feel so strong.  I have spent many days outside during a storm just soaking it all in~ it makes me feel so alive...

Sometimes the rain is wrapped in coldness~ and its harsh reception does chill me~ but I always feel it is still worth a little discomfort...

I hope you can see the rain as I do~ as a friend that gives you strength and as long as you have the rain~ you will be strong enough to overcome anything put in your way~

The Mask

Have you ever wonder what someone is really like behind their chat identity?  How much of what they type represents who they actually are?

I know getting to know someone online can feel very real but you have to remember that it is not.  I guess you can never be certain of who a person genuinely is online unless you know them in real life.

I have to wonder about who you truly are masked behind your screen name.  Do you give me 100% of your true self or something slightly less?  I think about who you are when you are away from your keyboard. Will your mirror's reflection be true?  I think it is too easy to forget who you are when no one is looking.  It is too tempting to slip away from the reality of who you really are...and I don't think changing who you are online is always a terrible thing...

I know I am different when I sit behind a screen.  I find it easier to say what I am thinking without interference of onlookers.  I am also less reserved.  I always try to be kind and respect others' differences.  I stand up more for myself and I don't back down.  I gain confidence from chatting and that spills over into my real world.

But my online world, is not a substitution for what surrounds me...because given a choice I would pick walking down a sunlit path with a friend over keyboard conversation every time~so be careful not to mistake this alternate world for reality~ just know the difference between the two...

Firestarter

A friend asks me today why I always spend so much time preparing meals even when I am the only one eating them...

My most honest answer~ is that it doesn't matter if I am making something for friends, family or just for myself~  I really enjoy cooking...

When I was younger,  I would spend a lot of time making treats for my family and friends and as I got older that never stopped. There is just something intoxicating about the way the house smells when you are baking something in the oven.  I would have to say baking is my most favorite past time.

When I moved out on my own, I never really got the taste for fast food so I would always do all the cooking.  Even when I had a roommate, I still volunteered to run the kitchen.  

I am not a selfish cook~ and I would never turn away a willing helper~ creating and learning new things really makes me smile~ maybe one day we will be able to share a meal together~ and you know, I will be the one wearing the apron...

Happy Hour

After work, I have been spending more and more time going to a pub .  I meet up with colleagues and friends.  

It is really nice to vent about all the crazy things that have happened to you during the week.  The staff all know us by name now.  They know what I am drinking and have one at the ready before I even need to order.  I guess it is because I never order anything with alcohol but just a cherry coke with extra, extra cherries but it is nice that they know what I like.   

Even though I am not much of a drinker but I do enjoy the company.  We usually end up laughing too loudly.  I mean to the point that everyone is glancing our way but we don't really care.  The place we go to has live music.  However, the musicians usually aren't that good but at least they try and for their effort...they always earn a tip from me.  I think I could listen to someone play a guitar all day even it they aren't really good.

I just wanted to remind you~ that life does happen away from a keyboard and spending time laughing out loud is always worth the small price you have to pay~ so seek out your fun....I will see you there~

Looking for Wonderland

I guess you know by now that the usual chat site is no longer there.

I feel a little disconnected right now trying to find a new place.  The search for what I lost seems to be taking more time than I thought.  I have been opening many doors but either I find a place filled with many lecherous hands or the only place to sit is in a corner way, way in the back of the room.

No place feels right, not even close.  Funny, how you feel loss in the most unusual way.  I miss things you would expect like,  the ease of the conversation and history that only needed a word or two to relate.  I miss the laughter...  I also miss the most annoying things as well.

I am not looking for perfection, no..it is more like I am looking for the chaos more than anything else.
I am looking for a place that I don't feel like I am looking on the outside in~  maybe just a place where everyone knows my name...

I am sure someday I will find what I am looking for...I mean, all we have is time~

Updating

I have been away from here for awhile...

 It isn't like I do not have things to write about...it is more like I didn't know why I should keep putting my thoughts in this arena.

So thank you, anonymous reader, for reminding me why I like to write here.  I write for myself and I am glad others can find value in that...even if the value is low, it is still something.

Time can always get away from you, you take a pause and when you glance up, you find your whole world has time jumped days, weeks, and months into the future.

You can't get lost in the past, you have to keep updating and improving.

I don't know if I will ever be totally happy with myself but I have to know that I will always keep trying and that I don't give up on who I am.

I have to love with all that I am and I have to be willing to let someone do the same for me.  I know updating can be scary because you are so comfortable with yourself and no one likes change but it is a necessary part of life...

When I read back over my posts, I can see the change in my thinking and my approach towards things.  I guess that is what getting older is all about..embracing who you are and knowing when it is time to update...

Running Late

Have you ever had one of those mornings where nothing seems to be going your way?  I was running late to work because I was dealing with some last minute business at home.  I needed to eat breakfast but I didn't have time to make something at home so I decided to stop off at a drive thru.  Traffic was horrible, but not because of some accident or anything that would make sense.  It was slow simply because the clouds were threatening rain...

Of course there was a long line at the drive thru restaurant, but being a little late to work is better than not eating breakfast.  When I finally, pulled up to pay for my order, the employee said, "The car in front of you paid for your order and asked that you have a wonderful day!"  I was totally shocked.  What started out as a miserable morning, just turned into something quite special.  I smiled my biggest smile and realized that a simply act of kindness sure did go a long way.

It was my time to pay that kindness forward...I paid for the person behind me and changed my outlook for day.  Sure I was later than I wanted to be for work, but I wasn't truly late.

Now, whenever I use a drive thru I always pay for the person behind me.  It is the least I can do, because sometimes it is the little things that mean so much...

Cherry Blossoms

The weather has been warm lately and the cherry blossoms have begun to peek out in anticipation of theSpring.  Their true color still hidden in their sacred dwelling, but their pledge of spectacular beauty is whispered in the branches of the trees...

But as you know, things seldom go as planned.

Just as we embrace the warmer temperatures and accept the promises that they make, everything changes.

The bitter cold winds bend and twist the branches of the trees as they announce the intention of the approaching storm.

The sky closes its eyes on the sun and the land plunges into a temporary darkness.  The cold attacks and takes the delicate buds as hostage as it coats the land with ice and snow.   The only savor is warmth of the sun which has to fight its way through the storm to rescue the once sought after symbol of beauty from the frozen coffin of ice...

Their were many causalities in this battle but not all is lost, hope is just around the corner and the victorious sun will soon descend to its rightful place as protector of the blossoms~

Touched by Words

Do you ever stop and think about all the people that will be touched with your words during your lifetime?  Will you be proud of the words that you used?

When you leave a room, what will people remember about you?

Over time, you develop a sort of "chat family", people you are familiar with.  You know their real names and personal things about them.  You play, poke, hug and laugh together.  You great them with big smiles and you even get a little upset when they have to leave, especially if it is a good conversation.

Have you ever thought about what these people say or think about you when you are not around?  Do they even notice when you are gone?  What kind of person do they really think you are?  What are they thinking when you slip into the room?

I am not talking about the things that are said out loud, I mean the things that are hidden in private thoughts.

I am not saying this to change the way you act or feel but just to give you something to think about...

Chat Catastrophe

Well, I am sure you all know by now that the chat site has been completely wrecked.  You can no longer register your name.  I guess that is a good and and bad thing.  You can still chat and ignore people but you can't post a profile or send a PUB (private message to the user board).

This glitch was fixed a while back and it only caused chaos.  After you were able to register, someone came in and started taking other people's names (nicks).  You have to wonder why someone would take these.  Will they use them for safe-keeping or blackmail later?  Only time will tell.

The chat site reset again and now whoever took all the names has lost them as well.  Now it is just a waiting game for the site to get fixed and when it happens I am sure it will be the same scenario.

So I guess it time to reinvent ourselves because we may never get our original names back.  I am finally accepted that my chat identity is not my name but who I am as a chatter.  I can't be duplicated.  You may try to be me but you will always just be an impostor (imp).  I am an original and I will always be able to reveal who I am no matter what screen name I pick~

I look forward to seeing you out there and discovering you again behind whatever nick you have chosen to be~

The Path

I haven't seen you in awhile ~and I know a lot has changed...you are not the same person that you use to be. What do I mean by this?

Long ago, we walked this path hand and hand.  We experienced life through the same set of eyes~ seeing things as we thought they should be...

Over time, our paths have veered slightly~ we no longer have the luxury of single sight~ and our hands no longer reach for each other.

We are no longer who we were.  We are altered. Our experiences, which use to mold us~ now only give us reference to our former selves.

I am not saying that is it good or it is bad~ I am just saying we are different now.  Every time you travel alone~ the experiences you encounter change your perception. The person you once were no longer exists upon your return.

Sharing the story of your adventure helps me see your journey more clearly~ and brings our altered paths closer together, but we should be aware that things will no longer be the same~ the only thing that matters is that we continue to move forward~ no matter what gets in our way~

The Threat

Things in chat have been pretty dead lately.  It is really sad to see the place start to crumble.  People use to flock to this place and you had to be clever and witty to stand out, now you just have to have to breathe.
Simulating conversations are few and far between, and maybe that is why I don't slip into there as often.  I am usually greeted with silence~ and who likes to talk to themselves?

Over the last few months, there has been a chatter that likes to threaten me.  He/she goes by the nickname "Murder".   This chatter's main goal is to scare me.  The person has figured out where I live, or to a 150-500 miles accuracy.

He (or she but let's assume he) thinks he is clever to name cities, streets, transportation, and landmarks around where I live to seem to know where I am.  He also like to spout headings from news stories in my area as well.

Yesterday, he told me he had hacked me and he had a friend in the MVA, so he has my license number.  I almost forgot, he has also been watching me for two weeks...

Of course, he can't tell me what kind of car I drive or what I wore or even who I was with~ but he wants me to think he has been obsessing with my every move for weeks~ or months because he has been saying my end is soon~ for awhile now.

So according to Murder, my destiny is to die soon, very soon, for what?  It seems, I have ruffled the feathers of this raven~ and I guess for something I said in a public chatroom means I must die.  I have always tried to be nice and being nice has probably sealed my fate~

I am not going to worry about how I will die...what is the point?  When it is my time, I will face it then, no need to worry now~ I will go on living without looking over my shoulder~ if it is truly my fate~ then it will be and there is nothing to do about it~

I will not walk away~ I will be strong until the end~ I will love hard and fight harder for what is right~ I will have no regrets~you will not break me with words in a place that you hide who you are~ fly away little raven~find peace in your life~

Disappointment

You know it doesn't really matter how prepared you are in life~ you are going to be disappointed, we are not immune to it.

We will find disappointment in our friends, bosses, jobs, lovers, and families.  You shouldn't take it too hard because it is just apart of life.

Since you know disappointment is inevitable, you might as well learn something from it.  Learn how to deal with it and learn how to accept it.

I am hoping I can do this.  I know it is easier to write about learning to deal with disappoint than it is to actually "deal" with it.  All you can do is try, and try you must.

We can work on not disappointing others but frankly, you can control what others think or do.  You can only control your thoughts and actions...

My Wish

Well, I was lucky enough to spend the holidays with family and friends.  It was nice to go home and see the places I have been. It was a scenic walk down memory lane.  Looking back, I can see that I have come so far...

 It is still always good to take the time to reconnect with the past.  I had left a lot of things not put up in its proper place.  Going back, allowed me the opportunity to tidy up and pack things away properly.  It wasn't easy but necessary...

Now, I can focus on what is ahead of me, moving forward with optimistic resolve.

 I wish you peace and happiness in the new year.   I wish you have 12 months of success, 52 weeks full of laughs, 365 days of good health, 8760 hours of happiness, 52600 minutes of joy and 3153600 seconds of good luck~always stay thirsty my friend!