Saturday, September 23, 2017

The Park

The Chatroom

I sit in front of my keyboard looking at a blank page and wondering what I could possibly type today.

There have been so many things going on lately that I am not even sure where to begin.  When things aren't going my way, I usually seek out this place to write down my thoughts and in a way settle things in my mind.

Writing isn't the only outlet I use.  I also walk...usually there is no destination, I just put on my shoes and head out~ but I always seem to end up at a park.  A secluded place surrounded by trees and in the very center there are a few pieces of playground equipment...swings, a slide, a merry-go-round, and a metal creature on a spring that you can ride~

So alone in the dark, I sit on top of the slide and I look toward that stars.  I feel safe and I can think.  Lately, I have been thinking about my expectations and what I want.  I have been forging my life in a certain way~ because I thought that is what expected~but does it make me happy~ I seem to spend a lot of time thinking about this~ and I don't think this is something that should require this much thought~ aren't you just "happy"~not a thought but a feeling...

I decided to change how I was doing things~ and then, I was dealt a harsh blow~ it took my breath away...and I am still reeling from the repercussions~ just when I decided to change on my own~ everything did..just not in the way I ever wanted...I can never do what I wanted to do~ this makes me feel powerless and out of control~ something I have never been comfortable with...

I am left with a world in chaos and I am trying to find some peace.  When I look up at the stars, I am reminded that I am just a small speck in such a vast place...but somehow knowing this makes me happy~ maybe things aren't as significant as I think...I mean look~ my once blank page is now filled with words...and you were here to read them...thank you my friend~ for your support~